i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's never too late to be topless.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
