If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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