did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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