Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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