just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
