please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
