She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
