listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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