don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
