6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
