Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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