i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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