But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You made out with two different species that night
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize