also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
