$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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