So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
this will be a night to untag.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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