Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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