just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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