HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
