covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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