i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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