I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
