I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
