I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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