I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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