Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
