I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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