make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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