Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
