I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize