My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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