Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
