You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
