Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
