We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize