i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I met the friendliest cop last night
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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