I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
