I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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