Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize