I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
