This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
