And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you had me at cake vodka
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
