the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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