I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
