she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
