I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
