I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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