Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
