how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
