Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We need to rekindle our bromance
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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