that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
