im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it because I queefed?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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