we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
