butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
