I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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