I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize