Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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