he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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