Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
