They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize