can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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