It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I FOUND THE LEGS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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