i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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